First of all, let’s err on the side of caution and pre-warn you that you definitely should not quit your job this way (in case it isn’t totally obvious).
We know that you understand how to quit your job in a dignified and respectful manner. You’re a professional and you understand that burning bridges and making impulsive and resentful decisions won’t do your career any favors.
That said, we see a lot of people quit their job and we’ve seen it all. So, let us indulge your fantasy for a few minutes. Here’s how to quit your job in the worst way possible (hint hint… you should probably do the exact opposite of these).
5. Forget a face to face meeting, just text your boss to let them know
Or better yet, have someone else tell them on your behalf. You might think that your boss needs a face to face meeting to negotiate with you, to fully understand your timescales and your reasons for leaving but that would require actually having to be prepared and explain yourself, which is a lot of effort. Why bother? Save yourself the hassle and just sling them a Whatsapp.
4. Accept the first thing that comes along and quit without seeing a new contract
You need out, so don’t think twice – just take the first thing that comes in and blindly move on. It doesn’t matter if this is the right career move for you or not, what matters is that you’re going somewhere different and new and you should let your excitement get the better of you. No need to see a contract, whatever you’re going to will definitely be better for you… definitely… better.
3. Give as little notice as you can
Realistically speaking, you don’t want to give your employer time to even think about your absence. It would just make them sad and you don’t want to upset them right? It’s better for everyone if they have as little time as possible to find your replacement. So just forget about your 2 – 4 week notice period… it’s more of a guideline anyway.
2. Start putting your feet up
If you think you should continue to put in the same amount of effort now that you’re leaving, you’re wrong. There are literally no consequences to your actions now, it’s not like your employer might need to be a reference for you at any point or anything. You have a new job so come in late, leave early, slack off and take as many breaks as you like. You’ve earned it after all.
1. Leave a bitter trail of destruction and lies
You’ve worked hard for several years at this position and it’s been underappreciated. Why let your handover spoil all the fun, what better way to vacate than to leave a trail of little surprises for your replacement. Project timelines gone over? Whoops, failed to mention that in my handover. Will it impact the business? Just say no, they won’t find out until you leave anyway.
Will any of this make your old employer miss you? No. Will your replacement hate you? Probably.
The moral of the story is your references matter; timing and respect matters and giving an accurate and detailed handover definitely matters when you are leaving a job.
You may have grown beyond this job but this employer took a chance on you to begin with and you wouldn’t be where you are without them. Respect your time and experience there and avoid the above… your career will be better for it.